Relationship: Now Open For Business

I'm an asshole.
See, my boyfriend, Jonas (JB) had a date last night and I didn't deal very well. At all.
Yeah, we have an open relationship, but I've never really dealt with this degree of openness. See, that's part of my problem. I talk about it like it's sumthin' that needs to be dealt with. Logically it seems right, but I get green-eyed and downright stupid.
Oh yeah, I'm a hypocrite, too.
I got another boyfriend in NY (Brooklyn--that's his name, sorta). Me an' JB went to visit him (well, JB went to visit NY with me anyway) and he went out of his way to make sure that I had some alone time with Brooklyn. He's thoughtful like that (and secure).
If I back it up even further...Well, JB is just really fucking cool. He knows that Brooklyn and I kinda fell in love with each other (another story) when Brooklyn last came to visit me here in SF, and JB just rolled with it. He's fine about it. Really. Not threatened at all.
So that's a tiny bit of back story as to why I suck.
I've been cool in open relationships in the past (Pie, Victor, I don't want your comments.), but there have always been rules: No second dates; No phone numbers, Not in the same zip code, Just while we're apart; Only if we're together; Don't spend the night with 'em; Don't ask, don't tell. Whatever. The rules have been different for each relationship, but this time there aren't really any rules. It's 'do what ya want.' So I'm cool with that, right? RIGHT?

Well, I got stupid as soon as I heard about his date with Jack. It wasn't cool to have a date, cuz, uh, I, uh, didn't hear about it as soon as JB knew what his plans were. He had known all night and I was just finding out about it at 2am (It didn't help that I was coked-out, slightly paranoid and was recovering from possibly my worst DJing experience ever). So, that's reason to be annoyed, right? Well, maybe I was pissed because I didn't have plans for the time period of his "date" and if he was gonna get laid by someone else I wanted to get laid by someone else, too.

So, practically first thing when I get going in the morning, I make a couple phone calls. Ain't those boys lucky? It's not really a revenge date. It's more of a I'm so-fucking-insecure date I'm looking for. I don't hear back from either of them, but I call Jason again right before me an' JB are suppossed to leave for the city. He answers, he's down, and he wants me to come over to his house. I'm thinking, great maybe we can just kick it in his bedroom for a while. Not even have to go out.
I get there and he has two friends over. Fuck. Not a part of my misguided plans.
We hit the Transfer and the Pilsner, the four of us. Jason and I are pounding shots with beer backs and are fucked up and making out after not much time.
We get pizza and end up hucking crusts and spitting chewed food at each other, fighting and rolling on the pavement out front. This is usually what happens when we hang out. I'm still recovering from the bruised ribs Jason gave me over a month ago, and the color he tore out of my fresh tattoos while wrestling last time will be pink scars forever.
Anyway, the wrestling, shoving and, now, spitting of candy continues down the street and into the Muni subway station, where we make onlookers slightly nervous (hopeful, maybe) that we'll throw each other onto the tracks before an oncoming train.
I run into my best friend's boyfriend, Fernando. He says 'hello' but extricates himself from our obnoxion as soon as possible. (He also gives a full report to his boyfriend, Jake and Jake trys calling me, but JB has my phone, answers and gets the report before he ever sees me. Nice, right?).

So our quad finally makes it to Tubesteak Connection at Aunt Charlie's Lounge, the designated meeting spot for me and Jonas. Of course , I run into the door guy that has beef with me (I don't know why, maybe I was drunk and obnoxious once? Maybe.), and I'm not on the list like I usually am. Whatever. He let's me in begrudgingly. I'm a little nervous. I wonder if JB is there already. Will it be weird when I first see him knowing that he was most likely fucking around with someone else just prior? Will his date, Jack be there? Will that be weird? Will it be weird to my "date" Jason? Will I just drop Jason the second that Jonas shows up? Fucking chatter.

Well Jonas wasn't even there yet. Is he coming? Is he late 'cause he's having really hot sex with Jack? How do I fell about that? Should that matter? No, right? I shouldn't care. But I do care. This sucks. Where are they? OK, Spider, everythings fine. Just drink more. That usually makes everyting better. Yeah, do some more shots. Where are they? Smoke a little pot. That never made anyone paranoid before, right?

OK, now I'm pretty much sitting by myself pouting. Friends are coming up asking what's wrong. "
"I'm fine, I'm just tired. "

He's half an hour late. That's just rude. He knows how much I hate waiting. We ditched Brooklyn in NYC one night cuz he was 45 minutes late. How's he gonna be late when it's the first time one of us has had a date with someone else while the other was in the same town?

Jason is now making out with Frank. Oh, and my current nemesis, Spike arrives.

This is just rude. Thoughtless. Get youself out of this, Spider. Maybe I should leave. No, I should drink more. I'll get really messy and slutty and just hook up with some random guy here. Yeah, I'll be having sex with some stranger in the bathroom when JB arrives. Yeah but, do I really want to do that? That is so stupid and immature. I should just be cool. Yeah, If I'm fine, then everything will be fine. Yeah, I'll play it cool. But I don't feel it. Where is he? I know, I'll dance. That'll chill me out.

So, I'm dancing in front of the DJ (my buddy James, a.k.a. Bus Station John). OK, I'm starting to chill. This dude comes up to me a gives a timid hello. I say Hi back, not exactly sure who the dude is. He looks familiar, but I'm fucked up. Shit. It's Jack, JB's date. JB is here. Be cool. Be cool. Here he comes, be cool.

He's got a shit-eating grin. I'm glaring. Fuck, I'm glaring. Stop glaring. Be cool.

"You're late."
"You hate me."
"A little. You know I hate waiting."
"You hate me. Where's this Jason guy?"
"He's sitting right there."
"With the blonde hair making out with that other guy?"
"Yeah, that's him."
"You always pick the grossest guys, I mean, for me. I am so unattracted to him."

It's true. We have very different tastes.

"Yep. He wanted to meet you. Hold on I'll get him."

I lean in to get Jason's attention, then I lose Jonas for a second. When I see him again, he's talking to, oh wait, now he's hugging my current arch-nemesis, Spike. I fucking hate this. I glare. I walk off.

Outside I bum a cigarette. Jason sees me, comes up and asks what's wrong. I explain and he tells me that I'm being a pouty little pussy. He's right. I know I'm wrong, but my impulse control and mouth have sided up with my feelings and they are not too interested in logic.
My buddy Christian joins the fold and agrees. I'm an idiot.

Jonas comes out. We talk a little. I tell him what an asshole I am. He agrees. Well, not really. He doesn't hate me, but yeah, I am acting a stupid. It's clear to me that even though I'm acting like a schmuck, he loves me. He goes back inside. My rapid boil has cooled to a subtle simmer. Christian buys me a drink. I go to find JB and then...I can't find him. He's gone. I just came from the bathroom, so I know he's not there. I don't see him anywhere in the bar. Maybe he's out side having a smoke. Nope. Where is he? That's it. I'm leaving. I don't know if BART is still running or how to catch the transbay bus, but I'm leaving. Fuck this. Fuck this relationship. Fuck. On the way out I see him. I ask him accusitorialy where he's been.

"I've been sitting right here."
"No you haven't. I've been looking for you."
"What're you talking about? I've been sitting here the whole time."

Christian steps in and tells me that JB's been there the whole time.

"No he hasn't. I've been looking for him and I didn't see him."
"He has. I've been right next to him."
"Really?"
"Yeah."

To Jonas: "Have you really been here the whole time?"
"Yeah."

Pause. My face flushes red and a stupid shy grin takes over my face.

"I'm such a fucking asshole. "
"I know."
"No, I'm really an asshole."
"I know."
" I hate myself. I'm such an asshole. Do you hate me?"
"No."

He laughs at me a little. I just shake my head in disbelief that I could be such a dick.
I know that he would never lie to me. I really do trust JB 100%
and now here I am accusing him and my friend Christian of lying. The really stupid thing is, what if he did dissappear for a few with Jack? There's not really anything wrong with that.

He hugs and kisses me. I get us a couple shots of Jager and a couple stiff vodka crans. We're fine.

I borrow a pen from him so that I can get some dude's phone number that I wanna hook-up with, revelling in my hypocrisy. He watches, kind of shaking his head.

We're overlooking the dance floor and there's a pretty hot guy dancing by himself. We've both been noticing him all night. He's got a cute face, bearded, maybe not super-butch, but fairly masculine.
We finish our drinks. The ugly lights come on and we go out front to smoke and the dude we been admiring is right there.
Jonas and I are fine. My confidence has returned. I'm drunk.
His name's S*****y and we convince him to get a ride home with us in our windowless Jeep. I jump in back with him and we start making out. He has a hard-on so I pull it out and start sucking on it. He pulls out my cock and sucks me, too. Jonas bends around and sucks on him at stoplights. It's pretty fucking obvious to people stopped beside us what's going on. Probably kinda stupid on our part, but definitely hot.
I have S*****y jump into the front passanger seat to give JB head and directions to his house, while I sit in the back and jerk off watching them.

The rest is pretty fuzzy. I know we all got our clothes off. I remember JB and I both rubbing our cocks on his ass at the same time, and fingering S*****y. And I know I came while fucking him up the ass. I'm pretty sure JB came while simultaneously fucking his face.

We dressed. The three of us went to some tacky diner and ate bad food. We dropped our trick back at home. I passed out in the passanger front seat. . JB somehow found the Bay Bridge and got us home as the sun was starting to come up.

I wake up and check my email. There's a note from my other boyfriend, Brooklyn. He was getting ready to go on a date last night and was nervous. He'd never really been on an actual date before.